I’m back!!!!!

Right, well I’m back and what’s happened in my absence but the dashboard here at WordPress has gone all space age.  I must confess to loving it but then after a week of hermit-like living, everything appears exciting in comparison.

I’ve also discovered the answer to one of life’s little quandaries and that’s here.  When I first got my Sony media player, I couldn’t get on with the headphones at all so had to buy some others but they gave up the ghost this week so after trying to use a cheaper set (which are shite) I’ve had to go back to the original set and even though I can see sense in the arrangement, they feel bloody awkward on.  What was wrong with how they were originally is what I want to know?  I never had any difficulties with them.  Did anyone here?

Last weekend, I travelled up to Liverpool to Michael Causer’s memorial service held at the Anglican Cathedral.  It was very moving and the language used was inclusive, there was no talk of sin and people of other faiths and none could take something from it.  Looking across at the photograph of Michael, I couldn’t believe that this young man was no longer with us.

I happened upon a jokey message left by Michael at Facebook and I felt an incredible sadness.  Michael had come out, a battle in and of itself and wound up being murdered by homophobic thugs!  I hope these cowards (because that’s what they are) get a sentence which reflects the severity of this brutal crime.

I met Michael’s family and a more friendly and accepting bunch I’d be hard pushed to find.  They had no problems with Michael’s sexuality at all.  Had he lived, he would have grown in strength and confidence as an out gay man.  They are lovely people.  They even allowed me to stay over due to there being no one at the hostel I’d booked online and that says a LOT about them … they were fortunate to have Michael if only for a short while, he was fortunate to have them xxx

I must mention Vikki whom I met at the cathedral.  She was a male-to-female transsexual.  She had been badly beaten up in a similarly motivated attack, ie one of hate, fear and ignorance.  She stood up during the service and said a few words inspired by Michael.  Her birth name had been Michael so she was in effect saying goodbye to two Michael’s that day!

I’m glad Ulla got her rainbow pride bag.  Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!  You said you’d squuuuueeeeeee mate and indeed you did.  That’s one of Ulla’s words and I love it.  Ulla, I’m honoured to know you and to be able to call you a friend.

I’m glad to be back.  I can get round to see you all now….

The lowly suburban queer….

When I think of suburbia I think of neatly trimmed hedges and lawn lines; pretty flowers in pots, baskets and borders; the sound of petrol mowers on a Sunday afternoon; people-carriers parked on driveways; children playing outside and older people tending the vegetable patches in their back gardens.  The suburbs are often viewed as middle-class, conservative both with a big and small ‘c’ and predominantly white in terms of ethnicity.

Yet within all this blandness lives a species we shall call the ’suburban queer.’  I know this person exists because I’m one of them.  Do I look any different from anyone else in my road?  Nope.  Does my presence advertise the fact I’m ‘on the team’ as it were?  Nope.  Does anyone know about me?  Well, Mum does but you could hardly call her the typical suburbanite.  Or is she?

That’s just it, because suburban living is so seemingly sedate, no one knows what’s going on underneath the ultra-ordinary exterior.  Growing up, I often heard gossip about “him at No. 37″ or “her at No. 6″ and “have you heard she’s only got pregnant by the milkman?  Yes, her!!!!”  This was often accompanied by vigorous shakes of the head from others present, looks of disdain and the set response “you’re kidding me?!?!?”  So, there must be all sorts of things that occur that very few of us ever have an inkling of.

Take for instance, the chap across the road from us.  His wife left him 3 or 4 years back now but because I see her daily in her car driving to and from the house, I assumed everything was hunkydory.  It took our neighbourhood gossip to inform me recently that “oh no, they haven’t been together for ages now” before giving me all the ins-and-outs pertaining to their break-up plus some associated venom which I could have well done without.

I would never have guessed that what I was seeing was in fact a mirage, an illusion.  Who knows then what is going on in the rest of the street?  There are more than likely other gay people.  There’s bound to be a bit of transvestism going on behind closed doors.  Affairs.  Maybe even a bit of bondage thrown in for good measure.

Do the neighbours know that I’m gay?  That I keep a blog pertaining to my homosexuality?  That I have a weekly column at a queer website?  That I’m in close contact with a South African dyke whom I think the world of? That I like watching gay adult movies where guys are doing all sorts to one another? That I’m friends with, gasp, another gay guy who lives not a mile away from here? I doubt it.  I live in suburbia and that means giving as little of myself away to the outside world as possible.  Is that a good thing?  I’m still deciding on that.

My dear Mum…

I thought I’d mention that my Mum is now perfectly okay with me being gay.  It’s no longer an issue.  We’re able to talk about it like it’s the most natural thing in the world.  There’s no anger, no nastiness, no little jibes.  She accepts that it’s a part of who I am though not all I am and because of that, we’re getting on better than ever.  It’s wonderful.

Spidery natures….

Spiders and their spidery natures, I don’t know.  There seem to be loads of them around at the moment and bizarrely, they all seem to be round about the same size and this is really messing with my head.  Normally at this time of year we get a number of spiders but some will be massive, others not so big and there’s a noticeable difference between them.  Over the last week or so, there have been quite a few spiders in and around the house which have looked identical.

I know what some of you might be thinking, perhaps it’s the same spider I’m seeing everywhere right?  Well, no.  The other night, I saw one and managed to get it between a drinking glass and a piece of card and let it out.  I watched it run across the lawn and it was gone.  I came back in, walked back into the room I’d just left and there was another one on the wall, of pretty much the same dimensions.  I got rid of that as well.

The next day, I saw one in the downstairs hall and another in the front bedroom – One ran out while the other found itself in the belly of the vacuum, not my doing I might add and I wasn’t happy because I like them to stay alive even if they do make my flesh crawl and have me checking my clothing every 10 minutes for the rest of the day.

Then the night before last, I was down here working on something when I saw something fleetingly out of the corner of my eye.  I looked up but saw nothing.  This happened several times including one instance where I thought I felt something on my foot but looked down and nothing at all was there.  It was about 3am and was very tired so blamed the ’sight disturbances’ and ‘feelings’ on my mind/body saying it needed to get to bed.

A little while after, I again turned at what I thought was something moving on the curtain (all the movements I felt I’d witnessed were on and around the curtains) and there was a big bugger of a spider!  Okay this one was different in size to the others.  I got rid of it.  Tonight, there’s yet another spider loose in the house and I don’t know if it’s a new one or one I’ve seen and disposed of before now.

I really don’t like spiders!