Taking pride in who I am….

Ever since doing the interview about my sexuality which is featured in various places on the ‘net, I have felt an immense pride, not just within myself for finally being honest publicly about who I am, but in being gay.

When out and about, I notice gay people everywhere now, like I’ve acquired some hidden knowledge.  We seem to stand out like anaglyph images seen through those thin cardboard cyan and red 3D glasses which were given out free with cereal packets in my youth.

I may be walking through the town centre on a wet dreary afternoon and there are all these queer guys and girls, standing out in glorious technicolour.  They don’t know me and I don’t know them but we share an affinity, a community and I love that and for perhaps the first time ever, I feel honoured to be part of it as opposed to feeling apart from it.  It’s wonderful.

It’s weird though because I have never felt this emotion before.

I’ve always viewed my homosexuality as innate and random, so why feel pride in relation to it?  I mean, I’m hardly bursting with pride over being right-handed or having hazel eyes, two further attributes which I have no control over.

I don’t know why I feel as I do.  All I know is since taking the time to complete the survey, I’ve felt incredibly proud of my sexuality.  I’ve also found myself becoming quite emotional thinking about my life.  I’m sad for hiding who I am but I’m also happy because I no longer need to.

This thing which has hung over me, which has created such inner struggles and heartache, I now view as a gift.  Being gay isn’t a burden, it’s a freedom.  If you’d asked me before I talked to Ulla if I would change with regards being gay, I’d have had to think about it.  Ask me now and I’d say ‘NO WAY!‘