Chatrooms…

What is it with gay chatrooms?  They are some of the most intimidating and unfriendly places on the ‘net in my opinion.  There’s something about gay chat which I’ve never understood and I’ve been in so many now that I feel I’m able to talk without relying too heavily on generalisations.

On every gay site I’ve used that has a chat facility, there are lists of rooms that are available (30’s, 40’s, 50’s, Coming Out, Advice etc etc) yet in all honesty, they might as well all just be called Hook-up and Get Laid or You Can Come In and Say Hi But We’ll Completely Ignore You Until You Leave or We’re Just Going To Check Out The Profile By Clicking Your Name and If We Don’t Feel You’re Up To Much We’ll Not Bother Chatting To You.

Having read Ulla’s post (which is here) about actually chatting with a lesbian in an online chat, I wondered why we, as gay men, seem unable to do the same.  I remember when I first came online in 2001 there were hundreds of chats to choose from in msn and I spent a very happy 2 or so years attending chat, meeting new people and there was a real sense of solidarity among us.  Some of these people I’m still in contact with today.  Isn’t the purpose of chat to actually chat?

I’m gay.  That’s the term bestowed upon me due to how I feel in relation to my romantic/emotional/sexual feelings but it’s not the sum total of my being.  In there is an intellect, a personality, a sense of humour, hopefully compassion, acceptance, empathy and a whole load more so why is that a LOT of gay people seem to think that if someone isn’t their type that they’re not worth knowing or if they’re not doing something to their genitals or someone else’s, that they’re somehow missing out?

I used to have mixed feelings towards the term ‘gay’ because it seemed to place an inordinate amount of emphasis on sexuality and what ‘we’ get upto in bed but now I wonder whether there is indeed something to it because everywhere I look in the gay media is a heavy reliance on sex, sexuality, sex tips and techniques.  Yes, we’re gay.  We enjoy fucking but it’s not all we are surely?!?!?!?!?!?

Let’s say the average gay man has sex three times a week for an hour apiece, that’s still leaves 165 hours a week doing other things.  A third of that time will be taken up by sleeping, another third by work and I bet there’s more time spent grooming and showering/bathing within that week than by actually having sex so why is there so much emphasis placed on it?  *sigh*